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The heart-wrenching part of Trying to Conceive



The heart-wrenching part

Trying to conceive (TTC for short) is an emotional roller coaster, but there are heart-wrenching moments during the journey that are hard to face. Moments that you know you should feel a different way but you can only feel your heart tearing to pieces. Those moments are what I am writing about in this post.

I began officially TTC in December 2014, but more like January 2015. I was excited, eager, and just plain naive! I mean how hard could it possibly be to get pregnant? Especially since guess what...Your best friend AND sister-in-law just told you they were PREGNANT! It was so exciting thinking that my best friend and I would be pregnant at the same time! I believe we even went as far as planning out our summer drinking lemonade by the lake...


January and February came and went without a positive pregnancy test and by March I was already getting the feeling that this wasn't going to be easy for me. When March also ended without me being pregnant I realized my chances of having a baby in the year 2015 were GONE!

You find out real fast, that while your TTC everyone and their mother or so it seems will post on social media their exciting news of pregnancy. It's easy to read those announcements when your sitting behind your screen, because you can cry and no one will even know. The hard part is being told in person and you have to do everything in your power to not burst into tears. Its not that you're sad its happening for everyone else, you're just sad its not happening for you. Your Pinterest board is filled with cute announcements that you are dying to use and you already have nursery themes picked out. Every month your hopeful that this is the month! You hold on to any symptom you "think" your having and you tell yourself that you'll be OK if the test is negative again. The problem is you know that's a HUGE lie! The devastation seems to hit you harder every month that passes and you begin to wonder if it will ever happen for you. Will you ever get to share that precious news to the world? THEN it starts all over again with the new month. Insert the emotional roller coaster!

EXCITED→HOPEFUL→SAD→ANGRY

From the beginning of my TTC journey I got to witness my best friend and sister-in-law have all of those extra special moments. Gender reveals and baby showers were especially hard. I remember being happy for them, but I was also fighting back tears. It shocked me how emotional I was during these events and it made me mad that I let them overcome me. It really is hard, but you learn how to deal with all of your emotions. If you are going through this stage of TTC, just remember that although you are happy for your friends you are still aloud to be upset. Let it out, cry behind that computer screen, and when your done, wish your friend the best. Don't bottle up your emotions. Learn how to truly be happy for others when they have every thing you want.


Thank you for reading!

💗 Stephanie

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